Dear John

I never thought I’d find myself summing up my non-existent courage to do this.

Buhht once again, the love I have for you proves to be senseless as it is powerful.

It’s been 9 months since our break up.

You’ve moved on. I haven’t .

Try as I may, I can’t seem to forget about you. This morning as I woke up to a lonely bed once again, my subconscious asked me this question , “If you had the chance to erase every memory of him and move on without any hint of pain or be with him despite the hurt he has caused and is bound to, what will you decide?”

That question made me realize the wasted effort put in my denial stage, as my answer was the latter.

We’ve been through so much John, over the years we’ve known each other. And I watched as a friendship as good as Gold blossomed into a relationship illuminated with rays of sunshine. 16 months of ups and mostly downs buhht I wish it had lasted longer. I would gladly accept endless bickering with you, just to be called yours once again.

In these 4 months since we’ve been apart, I’ve faced every type of depression on the face of the earth, I have popped every pill that the drug store had to offer. Buhht deep down I knew of only one effective cure, you. Eventually, I was alright. I accepted the fact that I couldn’t have you. I deleted every proof of your existence and I was fine for a while. Buhht other men tried, some with even better profiles than you. Buhht I know now that I loved you for all your many imperfections and temperament because not one of my many suitors have been able to grab my attention , hard as I try to pay them any.

I thought this was normal; I thought maybe I was just too used to you and it might take a while before I found someone I was really into. Buhht a few weeks ago when you called me to say hello, all my resolve was destroyed along with the wall of defense I had put up. We talked for hours, just mindless chatter. And then you told me you still loved and cared for me, buhht you felt it was better we stayed this way. I tried to brush it aside like your words meant nothing, buhht I was on top of a planet that hadn’t even been discovered yet. You still loved me , and that was all that mattered.

And this morning as I answered my own question, I could feel the ache I had put away for so long now gnawing on my chest. Heaven knows how much I want you back. I can’t live with this heartbreak for the rest of my life. You say you’re happy now, buhht I hope you’re not.

I hope you remember every moment we spent together,every kiss, every touch. I hope whenever it rains you remember how much I hate it. I hope whenever you eat an apple you remember my allergy. I hope whenever you see a cat you remember it was my biggest fear and whenever you hear ‘stay’ you remember it was my fav. I hope whenever you receive a letter you remember how much I loved writing to you and I hope whenever you see Michael
Ealy you remember our little inside joke .

I hope whenever you look at the Sun , you remember me and when you remember me , remember that I’ll always love you and I’ll always be here waiting for you to return back to me.

Love,

Susan.